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7. Traveling
with Kate Spreckley
When Kate asked me to put pen to paper
about the part of my journey where we traveled together, I faltered.
Initially
I agreed, then all the usual delaying tactics kicked in. This is how we
find
our way, of course, but that is not to say I was not distressed by my
privacy
reflex. In my hard-earned wisdom I knew I needed to stop and examine my
reasons
and …. well, I soon recognised it
was
not just a matter of privacy.
Somewhere along the path that has brought
me to where I am I learnt that these uncomfortable moments are a cue.
They
present an opportunity to discover a new part of one’s self. So I
‘explored’ my
reluctance to share. Not just for Kate, but for what Kate and I both
know is
the most worthwhile reason of all. Self knowledge.
When I finally held up that mirror into
my
soul, what I found was actually a delight; not some dreadful ugly truth
that I
had presumed I would find there. By inviting me to add to her Well of
Universal
Knowledge, Kate had also presented me with the opportunity to draw from
that
Well.
Gibberish? Psycho Babble? Let me put it
plainly.
Kate had presented me with a chance to
“Come Out” – of the Esoteric closet, that is. Until
this moment, when I finally
put both my typing fingers to the keyboard, my inner journey was just
that –
internal. Secret. A private enlightenment and finding of Self. My
self-belief
was a precious fragile beautiful secret healing that I had kept well
hidden
ever since I found its tiny flame flickering weakly at the bottom of my
Black
Hole. So delicate and vulnerable that only those who needed to knew of
it.
Including Kate.
In effect, therefore, Kate’s
invitation
would change all that. Like all change, this initially made me
defensive. The
mirror’s truth? The voice of a young damaged inner child cried
out: “But ‘they’
will all laugh at me, and Kate knows how awful that is!” Then my
mirror said:
“So what? What have you to hide?” It
was
one of those (fully clothed) Eureka Moments. One of those loving
surprises that
awaits us as we awaken to our Inner Beings.
And so there you have it! Tess has a
secret
life, an Inner Being. She has a purpose and it certainly matters
whether she
fulfills it or not. Yet that secret remains safe. No one can taint it
or take it
and certainly no one can smash it. Her Truth is still secret, as every
Soul is
unique and every journey different. It is however stronger because it
is no
longer hiding, no longer afraid of being ridiculed or dismissed. Secure
in the
realisation that as an integral part of an eternal universal life
force, she
can never be rejected abandoned or broken. Indeed, I see now that my
Indigo
Presence is impervious and even more beautiful out in the open. I
don’t need to
trust others yet, I need first to trust myself absolutely.
Back to Kate and why she wants me to
share
part of my journey with visitors to her Web Page. The intricate
synchronicity
that ensured that Kate and I would meet has many layers. It reminds me
of the
DNA structure. Two parallels, many links and several turns and twists.
In my
early days as a freelance Features writer, I was commissioned to write
an
article on the Indigo Children. I had never heard the term before, but
by the
end of the interview, I knew that I had an Indigo Child. But the reason
for the
synchronicity was far from over. [Even as I write I sense that there
are many
twists and turns still to come.]
Years later, when Kate’s old
business card
found its way back onto my desk I kept it out for my sister who has
recently
become aware of her inner journey. I have discovered that voyages of
self
discovery can never be completed in isolation. We all get stuck. As I
did again
a few weeks ago.
Kate listened carefully while I dumped
on
her, all but howling my frustration at the Full Moon outside. She did
what she
does best, and I left feeling light, aligned, on track and in tune with
myself
again. She knew and I knew that it cannot stay like that. It
isn’t meant to.
Life is a continuous voyage of discovery – self discovery. It is
a struggle that
is worth every effort. If that sounds like an excuse to be selfish
– it is not.
In fact it is quite the opposite. It is all about being part of a
greater
whole. And the whole is whatever you choose it to be.
The next time I contacted Kate, she was
only
a little surprised that I was nearly hysterical. It was inevitable that
my
newly found acceptance of my Indigo self would be tested, and tested
harshly. I
was in a space where I had to find the courage to engage and commit to
that
role, or retreat knowing full well that the challenge would be even
greater if
I backed off now. I had never felt so alone and angry. Afraid? No, just
angry
and alone. I had finally stepped up to the plate and instead of a sense
of
belonging and a warm welcome; I was more alone than ever. Abandonment
of the
worst kind!
As calmly as a midwife in a crisis, Kate
reassured me about the process and I moved through my life long
self-doubt
barriers. I emerged ready to grow again and fulfill my Indigo Purpose.
I must add that in so doing, Kate has
enabled me to melt an iceberg of fears and flaws that a lifetime of
shrinks
have barely sculptured the tip of. She traveled alongside me on my
journey of
self discovery rather than trying to untie the knots for me. In the end
we can
only help ourselves. We all need help, but we have to do the hard work
ourselves.
Kate does the God thing. I don’t. My
spirituality is entirely my own. I have encountered its like nowhere. I
believe
that what I have found for myself is everyone’s rightful
discovery. I certainly
have no time for a judgmental bearded man in a cloud and a badly
translated
work of dogma and out-dated superstitions. Kate speaks of a kinder God
than the
one I met. I mention all this only because none of it matters. I
believe that
Kate’s purpose is to help and enable her fellow travelers. I will
help her
where I can as I cannot do what she does. Our purposes are aligned, but
different.
Finally, and quite honestly, I
don’t give
an esoteric egg as to who thinks I am loopy or eccentric or more than a
little
odd. I feel no urge to explain or justify anything to anyone. However,
I do
have one suggestion to all those who would scoff at my discovery of my
Inner
Being and Indigo Purpose. They should try using their awareness mirror.
Yes,
everyone has one.
Ask yourself - Why does this upset you so?
Tess Fairweather
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